the words to your favorite song.
God i am so confused on what to do right now.
some days he acts like he really wants to be with me,
&& then some days its like i dont exist and he only wants me
when he needs something. && that is not right. I just really do not
know what to do. Do i tell him that i think things arent working out &
then maybe give up on something that might work out? Or do i just leave it
alone so we do not argue and then continue to be misserable? I just really dont know!
Life & Relationships can be so DAMN complicated.
You never really know what your getting yourself into.
&& its a really scary game you play everyday because you dont
know who you are letting into your life or heart. Anything crazy can
happen, && its when you least expect it. But you cant blame it on yourself
because things do not come with instructions or warning labels. You just have to
play everyday by sight && see what happens. I everything in life should come with a
CAUTION label. (: Or a sign reading: contents
are extremely flammable. Hahaha. Thats a funny one.
Because in all reality life is Extremely flammable, anything
you do can cause your life to burst into flames right then and there.
For example: getting caught cheating (on anything), being deceiveing, lying,
or even choosing the wrong thing to say at the wrong time. Life can be hard very
hard. But its all a test. You are put on this earth for one reason and one reason only,
To see what your going to do next.
Can you explain to me how
you're so evil, how?
It's too late for me now
There's a hole in the Earth, I'm out
There's a hole in the Earth, I'm out
Can you explain to me now?
If you're still able, well
It's time i think you know the truth
There's a hole in the Earth, I'm out
I hate all of my friends
They all lack taste some times
There's a hole in the Earth, I'm out
There's a hole in the Earth
Please take a bow (This is the end)
Somewhere this is the end
Somewhere
There's a hole in the Earth
There's a hole in the Earth
I hate all of my friends (I'm out)
There's a hole in the Earth
(I hate... Somewhere)
Ugh, It's not that i am upset about the whole family thing or leaving or california. It's the other texting of other girls(iknowtheyarentJUSTfriends) and lying and leaving out and alone. When your here, your really not all HERE. Your asleep, texting, or @work. I just get really frustrated cause i want you all to myself & i want your family to know about me. I want to meet your friends in CAlifornia. But instead you make plans with some ugly WHITE bitch. UGH! && you lie and tell me its for business or whatever. Why cant i ever go anywhere with you. Do you not want people to know about me? Are you embarrased or just lying?
Cheating?
Or do you really honestly not doing anything with them?
I really wish you would open up more to me. Like the other night. It should not take a disagreement & me crying for you to open up! :(
im done.
Wow, so i havent been on here in a while. My computer is being extremely gay sooooo.. i have to use my mothers. [i think i will get a new laptop] ;). Anyways, things have been pretty interesting since i graduated, even before. (: I've met this pretty amazing guy (sexy) and i really just dont know what to do. It's been 3 weeks so we will see. (: Work has been hectic, long 11 hour days every now and then. At least its money. I am trying to get a car, today actually so we will see how that goes. I havent really talked to anyone from school besides, Laura, JP(not much), Jessica and Annamae(a bit). Things are going to be different, but i honestly think its for the better and its going to be great. I dont have people holding me back anymore. I can actually grow up. (:
Wow, it seems only yesterday that i was coming into school as a freshman and now I'm walking out a senior graduate. Its kind of scary. It is time to move on with our lives and go on to do big and better things. Marriage, College, Families, LIFE ! (: Its actually pretty exciting, starting this new chapter in my life.
STILL waiting for MINKA to text meeee (: I hope they are having fun @ their key club stuff. hmm. (:
OMG, when that happen today i got this pain in my chest like i couldnt breath. I just wanted to cry. It hurt so bad i didnt know what to say. Some of you may say, "oh whatever, i know what shes talking about, and that just stupid to be so over dramatic." Well, your wrong and you do not know what i am talking about. Non of you were around to see it. I am not going to tell you what happen either because, it will hurt too much. At that point i just wanted to yell and scream and tear someones head off. I was so hurt. And the worst part is, i think it was real. I think it really happen and it was meant from the bottom of the heart. It wasnt just brush off from something else. It was real this time and shot directly towards me. I just didnt know how to handle it. My first reaction was to shut down completely, and i did. Just go through the hallway like nothing happen and go to class and not speak, to ANYONE. (which is not normally what i do). I just hope, and plead that Monday is better. That Monday gives me a reason and life to go to school and want to be there again.
Important Events Coming Up:
May
1st/31st - Get WSI recertification done.
4th - AP Government Exams @8am ; turn study guide into strehl.
6th - Jessica's Thesis @ 7am ; Grandpa's Birthday.
7th - AP Literature Exam @8am (courtroom)
11th - Heart of Darkness Essay Due ; Criminal Trial
15th - Andrews 6th Birthday
16th - Sarah's Debutant ; Management Training @Cambridge @830-430
18th & 19th - Clean @ Cambridge Pool 2-6
19th - JP's Thesis @230
20th - Senior Awards Night ; Human Rights Fair
21st - All Staff Inservice @3pm ; Senior Assembly
22nd - MY BIRTHDAY !!! (: , Cambridge Inservice @3-7Pm
23rd/25th - Memorial Weekend (no school) ; Pools Open for weekend 1130-630.
26th/28th - Criminal Forensics Trials
28th - Novel Exam for Strehl
29th - Seniors Start Final Exams. 1&3
30th/31st - Pools Open for weekend.
June
1st/3rd - Finish Final Exams 2&4, 5&7, 6&8
4th - Officiall Last Day ; Finish Signing Out ; Get Cap & Gown ; Senior Breakfast.
6th - All Pools Open for Summer
7th - Family comes to town for Graduation ; Graduation Dinner
8th - Graduation @ Orleans @6pm
hmm.. this should be esssidin' !
Me && 7 other kiddies from Canyon get to go to Carson City tomorrow to lobby for education. We get to see the head honchos up there. We leave tonight @ 11 . I probably will not sleep. Not even on the bus. But its okay cause neither will Laura & at least i will have someone to talk to. (:
I shall be taking hella peeektures cause i need to take more before school is out.
I will be coming back on Friday @ 1 AM in the morning. Still going to school that morning however.. might as well. Whats five more hours away. Maybe i will just sleep on the bus the whole way back && then i will stay awake all till school and then even at school. haha idk. Why am i telling you my scheeedule! ?
hhaha
i loves you (:
bleh, early bird. i absolutely hate it. however, i love JESSICA & the [some] other kiddies in here. They are so funny.
This damn year is not going by fast enough. I just want to be gone and living my own life.
However, there is only ONE month and ELEVEN days until my 18th Birthday. (:
It is extremely exciting. I am just tired of living by everyone else's rules. Aside from the actual LAW, I can live my own life, and make my own mistakes and do what i want, when i want, and how i want. && i CANT wait.
I am o so ready to go back to work as well. GOD. Please hurry this all along.
I just dont understand some things sometimes...
One moment you may think you have friends and then the next its like your all alone. Idk, maybe im just taking out of context but i thought friends spoke to each other and told each other things..
Not left you out of the loop. Not said "oh nothing" when you ask them "whats wrong", especially right after they had just finished telling another friend.
I mean its no big deal; dont get me wrong. I am not upset at the fact that my so called freinds dont tell me anything, but dont ignore me and not talk to me.
It good though.. because when we graduate from high school its going to be the same thing. It doesnt matter.
I just cant
WAIT
to get out
of this whole
they call
HIGH SCHOOL !
I am just tired of doing anything for school.. whatever.
On a brighter note, I am becoming friends with someone i never thought i would be friends with. I guess you really cant judge a book by its cover, NOR its summary.
<3 (ashley)
